Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
