The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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