Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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