y did u give ur computer a hand job?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
