look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
