my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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