Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
