We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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