I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
