On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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