I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
