I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
