Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
