please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
