oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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