Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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