i dont even know how to be here
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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