I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
