Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
