I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
