I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
