oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
