TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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