I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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