I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
