he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
