She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
