She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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