my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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