and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
