This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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