I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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