Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
