sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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