Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
