God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
