OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
