there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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