I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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