She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
