When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
