I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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