Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you made out with another girl for some wings
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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