Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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