The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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