i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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