so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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