i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
