he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
