did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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