batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
