we're chasing vodka with high fives
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
