why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
high people should be assigned attendants
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
