i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Randomize
