I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
