I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
