Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize