dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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