Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
