Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
