Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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