my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize