If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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