it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
