why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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