you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Non-Jews are for practice
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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