Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
