Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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