We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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