Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
