Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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