Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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