so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so let's talk penis.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
