Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
