my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
