if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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