you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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