I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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