history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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