This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
