In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
