i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize